I Got Rid of My Pre-Pregnancy Clothes
I’ve struggled with body image for most of my life. I shot up to 5’11’’ and was fully developed by the time I was 12 years old. I was teased for being big in late elementary school and tormented by two classmates when I was the new kid in middle school. These early experiences left a massive mark on my ability to love my body and show up confidently in the world.
I have been on a journey of healing for the past 8 months (you can read more about it here - My Integrative Postpartum Care - and here - Yoga for Healing) but it has taken me to an unexpected place. I have made strides in my mental and physical health with the help of my naturopath, therapist, GP and chiropractor but I still found myself hung up on my weight. Despite lowering carbs, cutting out dairy and gluten, I still wasn’t losing any weight. By early March, I found myself becoming obsessed over carbs content and avoiding foods I loved.
Then it dawned on me that maybe my focus on health was actually unhealthy.
Why was I in this pursuit of a smaller body? Did I really need to fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes to be happy? I got blood work back in February and I am the picture of health on paper. I can run and jump with my son for an hour at the playground. I can jump on my bike and ride 30km in a day with a 35 pound toddler on the back.
My body is perfect exactly where it is, even if I don’t/can’t accept that… yet. It’s my head and outside influences that are making me feel inadequate. The quote I shared in my Yoga for Healing post came to mind - “The healer you have been looking for is your own courage to know and love yourself completely.” It became very clear that I needed to refocus my healing with more inward work so I could understand these limiting beliefs and come to truly love myself.
Intuitive Eating
As I sat with the idea of figuring out how to love myself unconditionally, a DM (direct message) from a year and a half ago popped into my head. In an Instagram story in late 2019, Megan from @feedinglittles, an account I started following for tips on baby led weaning, mentioned that she followed the idea of “intuitive eating.” It intrigued me so I sent her a message asking for resources. She wrote back and suggested I read “Intuitive Eating: A Revolutionary Anti-Diet Approach” by Evelyn Tribole. I took mental note but was not in a place to add anything to my plate.
But the seed was planted.
Now, a year and a half later, my gut told me it was the answer, even though I didn’t really know what it was or what it meant.
I downloaded the book on Audible. I turned to Instagram and typed “intuitive eating” into the search. The first name that popped up was Rachel Molenda. I checked out her feed and within a few minutes, I wanted to be her best friend. Her messages of body positivity, filling your cup by doing things you love, letting go of guilt around food and simply enjoying yourself resonated with me. I was sold and applied to Rachel’s 4-month coaching program. I was accepted and start next week with a cohort of 13 other women from around the world. I haven’t been this excited about anything in a very long time!
I realized that I had been feeding my mind with images of women and moms that made me feel less than. She opened up a world to me where I could be accepted for exactly who I am. I unfollowed the moms with abs in bikinis with their 3 month olds on their hips and I started following women and moms who look like me. It was a complete audit of my social media. I now love checking in on Instagram and seeing people like @thebirdspapaya, @ownitbabe, @katiesturino, @huntermcgrady, @ashleygraham and @choosingchelsea. Not only do they look more like me but they recommend clothes that could fit a body like mine. I feel seen and “normal.” Just that one change made a huge difference.
For the first time since having Charlie, I was excited to dress my body as it is and find styles that make me feel sexy and comfortable. It was time to get rid of all the clothes I was hanging on to in hopes that I would “lose the weight” and spoil myself a bit. I made a list of the types of pieces I wanted to have in my closet, bookmarked brands recommended by women my size and made a budget!
Here is what I bought:
Foundation Pieces:
Loungewear:
Hanes Mens V-neck T-shirt - $18 for 3-pack
Athletic Wear:
Marks and Spencer Extra High Impact Non Wired Sports Bra - S$65.90 (price in SGD)
CRZ YOGA Women's Strappy Sports Bra Full Coverage on Amazon - $24
Cotton On Body Active Scoop Hem T-shirt - 2 for S$30 (price in SGD)
Cotton On Body Training Tank Top - 2 for S$30 (price in SGD)
Lululemon Align Leggings 28” - $98-118
Fast and Free High-Rise Tight 28" Non-Reflective Brushed Nulux - $128
Tops and Bottoms:
H&M 2-pack V-neck T-shirt - S$19.995 (price in SGD)
H&M 2-pack Cotton Vest Top - S$19.95 (price in SGD)
H&M Slim Mom High Ankle Jeans - S$39.95 (price in SGD)
H&M Mom Ultra High Demin Shorts - S$29.95 (price in SGD)
I have a few more things I want to collect in the next couple of months but I am already loving what I have. I love getting dressed in the morning and I cannot tell you how freeing it is to open up my closet or drawers and know that everything inside fits me. I can’t wait to continue on this journey of loving myself more deeply!
